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Nov. 13th, 2005 11:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eldorne_girlYou’ve always feared the dead. Always, always, the thought of dying would send you into hysterics, didn’t it? Fear of being judged, perhaps, although even as a little girl you had known that gods could be lied to as well. It was more the fear of losing you sense of self, wasn’t it, the fear of not being Delia any more, that made you start screaming in bed and fumble for the candle. Fear of being nothing but a corpse, like your mother and all your baby brothers and sisters that never lived. So many funerals…can you remember wearing any other colours apart from black or grey or lavender.
You wonder where in the family vault your body is.
You wonder, you wonder.
You wonder where Josie is, in the Realms of the Dead. That the blonde girl is there, you well know – she’s been there for months. Left a while ago, said, “I’ll be back, darling. Love you.” And never came back. But you hardly noticed, did you, because you were in love with Indy and you were being happy and normal and you were…
Well, it hardly matters now, does it? Never look back, because you’ll go mad. Never look back, always walk tall, and act just fine. Ignore the fact that you ignored your beloved Josiane, ignore the memory of her laugh and smile, ignore the way that the memory of her is a twisting steal mesh cutting in your heart and making it impossible to breathe - like the noose of your own choosing and just oh, just ignore it and forget, there’s a good girl.
There’s a Good Girl.
Yes, you shudder at that, don’t you? Good Girl, Good Girl, you’ve been such a good girl that’s it’s choking you as much as your death. Yes, that’s right, Delia.
You are dead too, now.
And doesn’t the thought of that make you want to scream?
But you don’t, do you? Once you’ll scream you’ll never stop, so you just gasp and stumble and knock over that glass and as you pick it up a piece slices your hand….
The dead can’t bleed, right? They can’t feel that, that shot of pure pain through their bodies that makes them gasp and somehow somehow makes their minds so wonderfully clear and makes everything bad just go away and you can breathe now….
The dead can’t bleed, right? But you can, Delia, and now you know it.
So what do you plan to do about it?
“Nothing,” you whisper, and hate the very sound.
You wonder where in the family vault your body is.
You wonder, you wonder.
You wonder where Josie is, in the Realms of the Dead. That the blonde girl is there, you well know – she’s been there for months. Left a while ago, said, “I’ll be back, darling. Love you.” And never came back. But you hardly noticed, did you, because you were in love with Indy and you were being happy and normal and you were…
Well, it hardly matters now, does it? Never look back, because you’ll go mad. Never look back, always walk tall, and act just fine. Ignore the fact that you ignored your beloved Josiane, ignore the memory of her laugh and smile, ignore the way that the memory of her is a twisting steal mesh cutting in your heart and making it impossible to breathe - like the noose of your own choosing and just oh, just ignore it and forget, there’s a good girl.
There’s a Good Girl.
Yes, you shudder at that, don’t you? Good Girl, Good Girl, you’ve been such a good girl that’s it’s choking you as much as your death. Yes, that’s right, Delia.
You are dead too, now.
And doesn’t the thought of that make you want to scream?
But you don’t, do you? Once you’ll scream you’ll never stop, so you just gasp and stumble and knock over that glass and as you pick it up a piece slices your hand….
The dead can’t bleed, right? They can’t feel that, that shot of pure pain through their bodies that makes them gasp and somehow somehow makes their minds so wonderfully clear and makes everything bad just go away and you can breathe now….
The dead can’t bleed, right? But you can, Delia, and now you know it.
So what do you plan to do about it?
“Nothing,” you whisper, and hate the very sound.
