(no subject)

Should anyone go outside, they would catch sight of a girl. No, not a girl, despite how she looks it. A young woman, slim and lovely with hair that begs for fingers to caress and lips that plead for a kiss.
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
And a pair of bright, bright green eyes that hid the sharp intelligence which killed so many.
So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not
She’s not crying, but it’s a close thing. ‘Roger came back’, Indy had said. ‘Roger came back and he didn’t see you’ was what her mind added. ‘Knows your room number and never came around, did he? Always you to him, always, always, fucking always, and weren’t you glad when it wasn’t you getting married?’
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
‘Roger came back’, Indy had said and she had said ‘…oh.’
So I can’t trust myself anymore
And then she had said ‘Can I borrow your gun?’ Because I’m dying again
I won’t be broken again
I’ve got to breathe
I can’t keep going under
So that same slender girl, that same flirty-eyed young lady, is outside with her lover’s gun and shooting a target. Not hitting the bull's eye, either, though she can, take nine times out of ten.
Don’t want your hand this time I’ll save myself
“You never bother, do you?” She asks the man that haunted her mind and emotions for six years. He isn’t there, but that’s the point. He can’t answer her, and that’s only a good thing.
Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you (there is a hole where an eye would be, then another on the other one. Bright blue eyes, blind forever in her head)
“Once a person has gone past their usefulness, you just ignore them. Oh, if they are pretty you’ll fuck ‘em cheerfully enough. Pretty and fucked up inside. Alex was useful to you…somehow. Never really saw how. But you kept him around, didn’t you? And Thom. Powerful sorcerer. Pretty. Fucked up. There because of me, did you ever think about knowing? Me. Because I loved you.
50 thousand tears I’ve cried (a bullet through a mouth that isn’t there, metal through the lying lips and seducer’s tongue)
“Loved you. Know what that is, your Grace? You must do, since you used it so well. But, you know, woman scorned and all that. And I’m scorned. I did all that. All of that. My honour slashed to pieces, my family’s not even there…all because of you and your loving, lying words.
Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
“Thom dead. Alex dead. Josie dead. Because of me. Oh, ego will say because of you, but I do not buy that anymore, my dear. If it were for you, I would have some acknowledgment of that. I would not have had a cell and a noose of my own making. I’m dead now, because of my love for you. I had to pay for all the things I did. All the lying and deceiving and scheming I did. All the killing, though never with my own hands. But it’s too much, you see. Too much for no reward, too much for no love…”
And you still won’t hear me
She stares down at the target, the gun held loosely in her left hand. Bright, bright green eyes – too bright for anything but tears.
So go on scream at me
“Didn’t it ever occur to you, Roger,” she whispers, “That I would have remained loyal if only you had just pretended to care?
Scream at me I’m so far away
Her arm comes up, and she doesn’t even have to keep aim. She knows where his heart would be if he were there, heard it beating above her for so many years.
Not tormented daily defeated by you
“See, you have a heart. Got a hole through it now.”
Just when I thought I’d reached the bottom
That’s when the gun slides from her now nerveless fingers, and she sinks to the ground. Hands covering her face, rich chestnut hair shielding that…but nothing can hide her thin shoulders shaking, nor the choked sobs. The sobs of a woman, seen too much and did too much, and just sick and tired of crying over a man whom she doesn’t even love anymore.
I’m dying again
And maybe that’s obvious, because is just holding her in his arms as she cries and cries and tries to convey some semblance of coherent thought.
Drowning in you
“I don’t even love him anymore. Don’t even want to kill him,” She opens her eyes, and looks at nothing. “Do you know what I want to do, Indy? I just want to slap him, and walk away. Just turn my back and leave him alone in the room.”
Maybe I’ll wake up for once
“But, you know what’ll happen? He won’t even care.” She begins to laugh then, high and rich and bitterly amused.
And this time I’ll save myself
“And that, Indy, is going to be the thing that hurts the most.” Delia falls silent, and stays like that for a long moment. At last, she turns her head and kisses Indy’s cheek. Because I can’t keep going under
“I do love you,” she says at last.